Throughout the years I’ve learned that you have to be really careful about listening to your inner voice. You have to learn how to separate the good voice from the bad voice. It’s like the scene you see in movies where there’s an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. To me, it is very important to learn how to not take things personally especially what people may say about you. Many times they “the people” mean no harm. But if you are not careful or if you keep replaying what’s been said to you over and over again, it can damage your self-esteem leaving you with no self love.
I can go all the way back to when I was a little girl. I’ve been a “Pretty Plus”, “Chunky”, “Cute to be a big girl”, “Plus Size”, and now they call it “Curvy” girl basically all my life. I was these adjectives plus more in the eyes of those I considered to be family, friends, and sometimes strangers out in public. I was told this constantly. So this is what I believed. It ran through me like the blood runs through my veins today.
It didn’t help that as a kid my grandmother fed me steak, baked potato, and salad every single Sunday. Without fail. See, I was a grandma’s girl. I could have whatever I wanted. Many times we ate in bed. This is still a guilty pleasure of mine. It also didn’t help that I ate an entire bottle of chewable Flintstone Vitamins as a toddler without anyone knowing. After my parents found out, they took me to the doctor and the doctor basically said that I would be fine. Oh, and that I may have a heavier appetite for a while. Well I guess that appetite has never gone away! Don’t laugh. These are real life facts.
When I finally decided to shed pounds. Serious pounds. I lost weight very quick About 65 pounds in an 8 month span. I was getting all the compliments in the world. How I had done such a great job. But inside I was still was not 100% happy. In fact, I lost the weight because I did not like the way people perceived me. My then boyfriend could not grasp that fact that I had changed so much, and stated a few times how everything was better before I lost all the weight. Say what????
I looked smaller than the actual size clothes I wore at the time. The fact that I couldn’t get to my size 10 goal was very frustrating to me. I heard all the hoopla about gaining muscle….blah blah blah….and even though its true, who really wants to hear that?
Overtime, I would end up gaining most that weight back. But you know (if you have ever struggled with weight) every time you lose weight and gain weight you gain it back differently. I did not look as big as I was prior to losing weight, but I might as well had been the same size as before. I began to reevaluate my purpose and my self happiness. I just wanted to be a better me. My goal was to live a happy, loved, healthy life. I wanted to be able to see my grandkids (remember my daughter is 13 so I have time here), grandkids, have kids. I had gotten to the point to where I did not care what others thought of me. I didn’t care what size I wore. I wanted to be cute and healthy. Oh Yes, cute was a necessity.The next time I decided to go down this road it would be for me. I would eat healthy the majority of the time but I dared not deprive myself of something I wanted. I knew and understood my boundaries. I would workout the way “I” wanted to workout.
I did just that! Today, I love the skin that I am in. I am HAPPY and PROUD to be curvy. I have transformed and embraced my physical change. I still eat well most of the time. I workout. I am not defined by the size I wear or what those numbers are on the scale. I encourage everyone to focus on self love. No matter what size you are we are all beautiful. And to the parents with kids please do not hound them about their size. They are only eating what they are given. It is truly not their fault that there are more carbs on the plate than vegetables. More fried foods than baked or broiled. Encourage walks or bike rides with them when its warm outside. Go to the pool or do fun things outdoors. Tell them that they are beautiful just the way they are. Not you are beautiful BUT you could lose a few pounds.
Most of this is all genetics anyway.
Here are some recent pics: The left pic was about a month ago…the right was this past Thanksgiving!
Today’s blog was inspired by this week’s photo challenge: Transformation